“There’s something... in the fridge...” An unusually timid voice echoed in the small kitchen wafting on the silence past the raised newspaper and penetrating the slightly pointed ears of a certain Berserker.
“Of course there’s something in the fridge, Xigbar, it’s called food.... a necessary commodity in order to sustain life, even for those of us who lack hearts.” Saix grunted from behind his newspaper at the unnerved Nobody standing in front of the table.
“Har, har, Elf Man... But that’s not what I meant.” Xigbar growled back, “Dude, this thing is like... SCARY. It shouldn’t be there...”
“It’s probably Vexen’s casserole from two months ago; no one will throw it out. I think they’re afraid it will attack at any moment.” A soft voice joined the conversation from across the room. The Nobody sitting on the small couch never turned to look at them, his silvery blue bangs hid his face, making it hard to even tell if he had been the one that had spoken. “And I’m not touching it, it stinks...”
Xigbar straitened up from leaning over the table toward Saix, he was nearly ready to yank the newspaper from the Luna Diviner’s hands. But the new voice had stopped him before he could make the move, forcing him to turn and glance at the Cloaked Schemer. “Everything stinks to you, Zexion...”
“Well, that’s because I live with pigs...” Zexion chirped as he turned the page of his book, a strangely giddy yet sarcastic sound to his tone. “Actually, that is something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about... You know, there’s a new invention out now, it’s called soap... you should use it.” Zexion finally did look up this time; a strangely mischievous smirk flitted across his face as he taunted the Freeshooter.
There was a strange silence that fell across the room once again; it would have been peaceful, but the murderous vibes were thick enough to cut with a mighty big knife. It was far from being a peaceful kind of silence.
A low growl erupted from Xigbar before he finally snapped, “You want me to come over there and kick yer little Emo butt, ‘cause I’d be happy to do that...”
“I am NOT Emo!!!” Zexion snapped, nearly coming up out of his seat and over the back of the couch in an unusual lapse of sanity. He stopped mid way, hanging half over the back of the couch when yet another growl echoed in the room.
“Knock it off, I’m trying to read...” Saix grunted and then turned the page of his newspaper, never letting it down to reveal the anger they both new was starting to smolder behind his golden eyes.
“Ah, you’re not worth my energy...” Zexion waved the air and then settled back into his warm cushion, picking his abandoned book back up.
“Naaaaah now waitaminnut, there’s something really freaky in the fridge! Aren’t you two going to do something about it?” Xigbar almost sounded unusually worried again.
“Why don’t you do something about it?” Zexion asked as he lowered his book once again, yet there wasn’t any trace of a taunt in his voice this time. Curiosity over the powers of the mystery fridge dwelling substance was starting to pique his interest.
“ME!?! As if....” Xigbar snorted, “Like I’d touch something like THAT. It would be a sin against my nature...”
This did finally push Zexion’s teetering interest over the edge of sanity and send it screaming into curiosity. “What is it?” He heard his own voice as his lips moved, inwardly his mind screamed for him not to give any sort of attention to this man, but it was too late.
“It’s probably yours, you seem like the sort of fruit cake that would eat something like... like THAT...” Xigbar chuckled and then turned back to the fridge to hide his gag reflex at the thought of someone actually EATING that stuff.
“Excuse me?” Zexion was standing already, he rounded the couch and stomped up to the fridge, “What is it you’re accusing me of?”
“It’s in there... top shelf... you take a look at that and tell me it’s not yours.” Xigbar nodded as he crossed his arms over his chest and waited.
Zexion glared at him for a moment as his hand rested on the handle to the fridge. He then turned and stared at the door, “This better not be a trap of some sort.” He grumbled as he raised his free hand to his nose, blocking all smells with the back of his hand. He usually had to do that; the sudden assault of various mingling scents that would invade his sensitive nose was enough to turn his stomach at times.
The fridge door cracked open, the little shining light suddenly illuminated the inside. Casting an ethereal halo around the package sitting in the middle of the top shelf. Zexion blinked at it, he started to turn and tell Xigbar what an idiot he was, but something stopped him. White letters across the brown package caught his deep blue eyes forcing him to stop. It took a few second to register, he leaned closer as his hand fell from under his nose, reaching out slowly to clasp the package and pull it out of the confines of the refrigerator.
“EEEEEEW DON’T TOUCH IT!!!!” Xigbar squealed like a little girl.
“It’s just... lunch meat?” Zexion snorted but the ‘lunch meat’ sounded more like a question than a statement.
“That... Is NOT... meat. If it were meat, I would have eaten it, I’m sure. That is a hideous joke.” Xigbar’s nose wrinkled at the thought of eating the strange substance once again, “That is just disgusting.”
Zexion shook his head as he fingered the brown package; he flipped the cardboard flap open with his thumb and started to hold the package up for further inspection. Inwardly getting a kick out of the horrified expression he could see on the others face as he did so.
“Oh please tell me you are NOT going to sniff....”
Zexion snuffed it, “It’s tofu...”
“EEEEEW!! Dude, that’s gross, I can’t believe you just SNIFFED IT!!!” Xigbar was now fighting back the disgusted ‘urk’ noises and his lunch.
“Its tofu lunch meat, what’s the problem?” Zexion couldn’t fight the smile that was spreading across his face like a wild fire.
“That’s just wrong on SO many levels! I can’t believe you eat that kind of stuff...” Xigbar groaned from behind his fingers.
“I don’t eat this...” Zexion stated, holding out the package toward the Freeshooter.
Xigbar backed up like a vampire against garlic, “Get that away from me.”
“Well it’s not mine... I like my chicken.” Zexion fingered the package again, flipping it over to read the ingredients and confirm the fact that it was indeed a package of tofu lunchmeat.
“Well if it’s not yours then whose....” Xigbar was suddenly interrupted as yet another Nobody entered the room, yawning loudly.
The newcomer stopped his ambling in order to properly stretch; he let his hand fall back behind his head as he scratched lazily. His pinkish cherry colored layers falling from between his fingers and neatly back into place as he finally took a few more steps into the room. “What’s going on?”
“Marly!!! You’re the one aren’t you!?! You and your freakish cherry luvin’ self.” Xigbar snarled as he pointed at the dazed Graceful Assassin. He then turned to Zexion, “You... Throw it at him. I can’t touch it.”
“No.” Zexion snorted and then laid the ‘meat’ down on the counter top.
“Excuse me? W... What... I’ve been taking a nap, so whatever you’re accusing me of...”
Marluxia waved his hand in the air as though he wished to dismiss annoying servants as he
turned to leave the way he had come in.
“Actually, Marluxia, we were just trying to find out whose.... Tofurky... that is.” Zexion explained before the Assassin could leave.
“Towhooty?” Marluxia turned suddenly, curiosity getting the best of him as he wandered back and stood over the package sitting on the counter top, reading its name over a couple times until it sunk in really good. “I’ve never heard of... What is it?”
“Tofu... lunch meat.” Zexion had to pause after the ‘tofu’ as Xigbar made yet another gagging ‘urk’ noise to accentuate the word.
“Eh, tofu... I hate tofu... I wouldn’t eat THAT!” Marluxia poked at it with one long graceful finger.
“Well if it doesn’t belong to anybody here...” Xigbar motioned with his hands before letting them fall limply to his sides, “Then how’d it get here.”
“Well maybe, hmmm, it could possibly be Demyx’s?” Marluxia pondered aloud.
“Demyx?” both Zexion and Xigbar stared at Marluxia as though he was sprouting another eye in the middle of his forehead.
“Yeah?” a slightly higher voice called from behind the two that had their backs to the door.
All eyes suddenly fell on the blonde musician that had just had the misfortune to walk through the entry. His light blue eyes widened, afraid of what trouble he had just walked blindly into, “I… I didn’t do it?” he stuttered, the words sticking to the top of his mouth as he inwardly wished he could back away and escape before someone pinned something on him.
“Nothing, Demyx...” Zexion sighed, and then glanced back at Marluxia, “What exactly makes you think it’s his?”
“Well, he’s one of those odd musician types... He looks like he could be one of those tree hugging, planet loving, sandal wearing protestors we used to see on the street corners... Before the heartless ripped their peace luvin’ hearts out through their noses...” Marluxia sighed.
“What? Me? HEY! What did I do to YOU!?!” Demyx sniffled; confused by the conversation full of insults he had just stumbled into, mostly about him.
“You were created...” a wicked smirk flitted across Marluxia’s face as he leaned back against the counter.
“Well YOU look more like the tree huggin’ type to me you big… Meanie...” Demyx spun back around and started to stomp back for the door, a tug on his black uniform brought him to a sudden stop and forced him to step backwards toward the group again. “Lemme go, Zexy...”
“I’m sure he didn’t mean it, Demyx...” Zexion paused glancing over at Marluxia, “Did you?”
Marluxia’s head was tilted forward, his soft layered locks of hair falling over his face. He was still leaning against the counter with his arms folded across his chest when Zexion’s words reached his ears. His head fell slightly in response as a snoring noise slipped from between his unseen lips.
Zexion stepped closer, dragging Demyx back with him by the coat tails. He lifted a gloved hand and backhanded Marluxia across the stomach. The Graceful Assassin grunted and held his now sore stomach, “WHAT!?! NO, NO... Good grief, call your attack dog off! I didn’t mean it... “ Marluxia paused, eyeing Zexion before he let a single faint word fall after his apology “...much...”
“Well this is fun and all, Ladies... but...” Xigbar turned to Demyx, “take your nasty tofu out of the fridge and keep it in your room from now on... You freak...”
Demyx’s nose wrinkled, his lip curling up over his teeth slightly forming a fish sort of look, “Tofu?”
“Yeah, Tofu. Your tofu. It’s fowling up our fridge now be gone with it!!” Xigbar waved his hand at Demyx, sort of shooing him off. “Throw it at him... I’m not touching it...” He nodded at Marluxia.
“No!” Marluxia chuckled, “You want it out of here that bad, you pick it up and do it yourself.”
“It’s not mine. I’m a Big Mac and Fries Man, so don’t give me that...” Demyx looked at the package sitting beside Marluxia, his eyebrow rising suspiciously.
“You eat meat? Like dead cow? Once upon a time it moo-ed and trotted...” Marluxia turned to Zexion “Cows trot?”
Zexion’s answer was a shoulder shrug and silence.
“Meh, whatever. Where was I, oh yes... It moo-ed and trotted happily through fields of green grass... You eat that?” Marluxia paused for a second making sure to accentuate the next words, “Dead... Bovine...”
Demyx stared at them; his eyes widened slightly before a sickened look of disgust cast a nasty shade of green over his face, “Uuuuuugh.... I’m never gonna eat a hamburger again...” he lowered his head holding his gloved hand over his mouth as a few of his perfect blonde gelled locks lost their will to stand and fell over his down turned face.
“Lookit that! You even made his hair sick Marly!” Xigbar chuckled, holding out a fist that was met in triumph by Marluxia’s fist.
“If there is any puking to be done, please leave the kitchen now and do not do it in my presence...” Saix’s voice echoed in the room once again from behind the newspaper, reminding everyone that he WAS still in the room with them.
“Nice, now if you’re two are quite done...” Zexion sighed shaking his head before pinching the bridge of his nose as though he was fighting a pain that was beginning to build up behind his eyes.
“Well... I guess it could be Axel’s, he’s an awfully skinny little snot, maybe he’s got health issues or something. You know, a health nut.” Marluxia sighed.
“HA! Obviously you didn’t see the chicken leg incident...” Xigbar guffawed, “That kid downed two buckets of Kentucky Fried like some sort of starved Lion... He got part of chicken leg lodged in his throat...” he had to pause again as he laughed, “You ain’t seen funny ‘til you see the Squirt trying to give CPR to someone who doesn’t have a heart.”
“Aw, I missed that! Did someone take a picture?” Marluxia turned to Zexion.
“You think I have nothing better to do than snap a photo of something as hideous and embarrassing as that?” Zexion paused as Xigbar and Marluxia stared back at him, “I took a video of it...”
“Sweet!” they both cooed in unison.
“Well obviously, we’re not going to find out whose abomination that is unless we search them out.” Marluxia bowed and waived a hand out toward the door, “Shall we?”
“In that, meaning harassing others? Then yes, we shall!” Xigbar chuckled as they went in search of the poor sap that would lay claim to the dreaded fake meat.
Zexion watched them leave, glancing at Demyx who was slowly starting to look like he was recovering from his disgust. “You ok now?”
“Yeeeeaaaah..... I think...” Demyx’s words were still sickened in their tone, but he at least had color in his face again.
“Well I think I’ll follow them then. There’s great opportunity in this adventure I would say.” He quickly walked toward the door, pulling his camera out of his coat pocket as he went.
Demyx stood for a moment in the now silent room. He stared at the little brown package with the white letters across it. He slowly reached out and turned it over in his hands, “I wonder if it’s any good...” he whispered before opening the fridge door and placing it neatly once again on it’s top shelf under the soft glow of the little light bulb.
He closed it with out a sound, turning and slowly walking towards the door, coming to a stop next to the little table. He glanced down at the newspaper that was still being held up, hiding the face of the Luna Diviner. A strange sort of sparkle of amusement flashed behind Demyx’s light blue eyes. “You sat there the whole time without saying a word didn’t you...”
“I did not. I said a few words.” Saix stated, totally deadpan.
“Hmmm...” a little smile tugged at the corner of the Musician’s mouth.
“Move along Nocturne... before I start losing my temper.” Saix’s voice was still emotionless and flat, completely unconcerned with the whole thing.
“Alrighty...” Demyx sighed and then folded his arms back behind his head and sauntered out of the room, a playful tune now on his lips as he went.
A few moments passed, silence filled the room. Nothing stirred until the gentle crinkling sound of newspaper echoed throughout. A pair of golden yellow eyes peeked from above the newspaper, surveying the now vacant room. “Finally! I thought they’d never leave....” He folded up the newspaper and flung it across the little table. Revealing that not only was he hiding his crimson tinged cheeks, but the evidence of whose tofu meat that was... A sandwich sat before him, ready to be devoured by the Vegetarian Berserker.